One of my favorite books to use when working with couples is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This is a great book because the ideas are basic and easy to understand as well as easy for a couple to implement into their daily lives. The foundation of this book is that every person has a primary “love language”. This “love language” is usually the type of love that an individual likes to receive from their partner (not the one they want to give), and sometimes problems arise when one partner may be “giving” the love language that they usually want to be “receiving”. As humans we tend to model behaviors, so we tend to model behaviors that we want others to interpret and send back to us in return. So in a sense we are giving the “love language” that really we want to be receiving. So through this book you and your partner can find out our primary, secondary and even tertiary Love Language in order to give them what they want to be receiving, and so they can give you what you want to be receiving in return. So in a sense, it is to help a couple to understand each other so they can give the appropriate Love Language to their partner.
There are five love languages. They are: Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts.
It is unusual that a couple would have the same love language and so while one person might appreciate “words of affirmation”, the partner might appreciate “quality time”, and as you can imagine, if they are giving what they want for themselves to their partner, it could prove to be a very frustrating and confusing situation. This book is a great read and helpful in resolving some issues of giving and receiving in relationships. Communication, regardless is first and foremost, but how you communicate is also just as vital. The love languages help couples to understand each others needs more and help with long and lasting fulfillment. I’ve included some links and resources below for further information about the Five Love Languages. Happy Loving!
In love and light,